Do you tend to see things in extremes?
Good or bad. Success or failure. Right or wrong. Happy or sad. Always or never… you get the picture. Do you use extreme language about yourself and others? Are you uncomfortable with ambiguity and uncertainty? Perhaps you have a need to control situations and events.
See if any of the following statements resonate with you?
- “I’m a total FAILURE”
- “I’ll NEVER be able to succeed”
- “I’m NO good at anything”
- “They are ALWAYS so mean”
- “It has to be PERFECT”
- “The world is a TERRIBLE place”
- “EVERYTHING is ruined”
- “Do it RIGHT, or don’t do it all”
- “People ALWAYS let me down”
These are just some examples of black-and-white thinking.
Also known as “all-or-nothing” or “polarized” thinking, black-and-white thinking style leaves little room for alternative viewpoints. There’s no in-between. There’s no room for middle ground. It’s only one extreme or the other.
Most of us engage in black-and-white thinking from time to time. It can be helpful, even necessary in some situations. For example, in an emergency, we need to act decisively. But if we get stuck in all-or-nothing mindset, this can have a negative impact on our wellbeing.
Rigid thinking is characterised by controlling behaviour, resistance to change, and adherence to strict beliefs and routines. People with black-and-white thinking experience overwhelmingly positive or negative emotions. Viewing things in absolutes leads to worry, anxiety, and emotional upheaval. This thought pattern is also linked to low self-esteem, sense of helplessness, and a lack of self-worth.
Black-and-white thinking can make it difficult to take risks and try new things.
It can limit our success at work or school. All-or-nothing thinking can cause procrastination, avoidance, and self-doubt. If we think there’s only a “right” or a “wrong” way to do things, we can become easily discouraged and demotivated. Over time, this can lead to constantly feeling “on edge” and fearing that even the slightest mistake will result in catastrophic outcomes.
Excessively and persistently worrying about everyday things is debilitating. All-or-nothing thinking can harm our relationships as we categorise people into “good” or “bad”. It can lead to increased conflict, impulsivity, and speaking or acting without thinking about the consequences. Extreme thinking often leads to extreme behaviours!
What causes black-and-white thinking?
There’s no single cause but family influences, early childhood experiences, traumatic events, or underlying mental health issues can all play a role in shaping our thinking patterns. Black-and-white thinking is a defence mechanism as it provides a sense of safety and control in anxiety-provoking situations. We don’t have to make too many decisions. There’s no ambiguity. It’s black or white. Good or bad. Safe or unsafe. All or none.
But things are rarely black or white. Most things in life have both positive and negative aspects. Life exists on a spectrum. A sliding scale. Of course, we sometimes need order, routine, and structure but flexibility is important too.
We need to find the middle ground and learn to see situations in various shades of grey – or colour – instead of believing something is black or white. We need to find a balance between rigidity and flexibility.
Many studies have shown that people who are comfortable with ambiguity tend to experience more positive emotions, have greater self-confidence and life satisfaction. They are more likely to see things from multiple perspectives, consider various options, and adjust their plans if things don’t go as expected.
Do YOU tend to see things in extremes? Do you dismiss the good and exaggerate the bad, or vice versa? Perhaps you don’t even realise you are a black-and-white thinker.
How can you break free from black-and-white thinking?
The first step is to become aware of your negative thought pattern. Start paying close attention to your mental processes. Do you think and talk in absolutes? Notice when you are engaging in black-and-white thinking. For example, you quickly switch from liking someone to hating them. Or when your friend doesn’t respond to your message right away, it’s because they don’t care about you. You swing from one extreme perception to the other. All of a sudden, you are riding an emotional roller coaster.
Listen to the words and language you use. If you hear yourself regularly making extreme statements such as “I should do better”, “No-one loves me”, or “Everyone is mean”, this could indicate black-and-white thinking.
Once you begin to recognise and acknowledge self-limiting thoughts, you can start to challenge them. Ask yourself, “How is this thought helping me?”, “Am I being inflexible in my thinking?”, “What if the story I’m telling myself isn’t true?”, or “Could there be another possible option to consider?”
Of course, changing your way of thinking is easier said than done but through consistent practice, you can transform all-or-nothing mindset. Set small goals first. Remember, progress takes time. Be kind and understanding towards yourself. With time and effort, it is possible to develop a more balanced way of seeing the world.
There are many self-help techniques for managing black-and-white thinking. However, if this type of thinking continues to negatively impact your daily life, consider speaking to a mental health professional.
Life isn’t always black and white. There are many shades of grey. Even colour.
So, try and bring some colour into your thinking!
Eila Mikkonen
Counsellor, Clinical Supervisor, Coach & Mental Fitness Facilitator