"Be yourself, everyone else is taken"
This quote is often attributed to the legendary writer Oscar Wilde, yet it’s uncertain if he really said it. No matter who first said it, it’s a great quote.
But what does it mean?
It’s about being yourself. Being you and expressing yourself in your own way. Your path is unique to you.
But it takes courage to be authentic. It's not always easy or comfortable. Especially, if we come from a background where being different isn’t encouraged. We try so hard to be like everyone else. We compare ourselves to the seemingly charming and picture-perfect lives of others. We feel pressured to “fit in”. We question, “Why is everyone else happier than me?” But there’s no such thing as the perfect life!
It’s not just the young people feeling this pressure to "follow the crowd". Adults too feel pressure to conform to societal and group expectations or to portray a certain image. Whether at work, in social situations or even in personal relationships, they often feel the need to be like everyone else.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with getting ideas and inspiration from others. I have been inspired by so many things over the years… travelling, nature, learning new things, to name a few. And people – especially people who have the courage to live their lives the way they want, on their own terms.
But to be yourself, you first have to learn more about yourself.
And this takes time... a lifetime isn't long enough – there's always more to know.
Instead of trying to be someone else, spend some time examining yourself and your insecurities. We all have blind spots and hidden aspects that we aren’t fully aware of. And some parts of ourselves we don’t even like. We try and suppress – or push away –unpleasant and anxiety-provoking thoughts and emotions.
We seek distractions or numbing activities such as substance use, overeating, watching TV, scrolling the internet, playing computer games or working excessively. We try and ignore these negative feelings and emotions, but it doesn’t mean they go away. They stay within us, in our body, in our subconscious… and then, come back even stronger. This will often lead to stress, anxiety and other health-related problems as well as relationship issues.
If we don’t have the courage to examine and accept these hidden and uncomfortable aspects of ourselves, it’s very hard to grow, develop and live a more authentic life. Often, a trained therapist can provide more objectivity and guide you through this inner exploration in a safe and supportive way. They can help you uncover blind spots, process uncomfortable emotions and gain new insights. You learn to see yourself in a new way.
It’s not easy to stop worrying about what other people think of us. It’s not easy to stop comparing ourselves to others. But imitating and trying to be like everyone else is unlikely to bring long-lasting fulfillment. It makes us feel like we are never good enough. We start to lose our unique sense of identity. And we start to feel frustration, anger and resentment.
So, be yourself because everyone else is taken!!!
Eila Mikkonen
Counsellor, Clinical Supervisor, Coach & Mental Fitness Facilitator