Are you having a difficult time switching off from work?
You came home hours ago but can’t stop thinking about that aggressive client, shouting abuse at you. The hostile comments felt personal and upsetting. As usual, your day was hectic, full of meetings, constant interruptions and tasks to do. Your boss gave you an urgent, must-do project to complete. But you couldn’t focus. Now, you are not even sure what you are supposed to be doing. You are doubting your abilities and feel like a fraud. Your mind is starting to spin!
Is this you?
Taking work issues home can be really damaging to your wellbeing and relationships. And often leads to unhealthy “quick fixes” like alcohol, drugs or food to improve your mood. It can be difficult to admit that you are struggling for fear of damaging your reputation or even losing your job.
As a counsellor, I’ve met thousands of people over the years and learned from their unique stories and circumstances. Many are in high-stress jobs and try to juggle the demands of work and family. Self-care is not a priority, “I don’t have time” or “It’s too difficult”. They often fail to identify the red flags and learn the hard way that long-term stress is hazardous to health. Over time, stress can contribute to serious health problems, such as high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes, and other illnesses, including mental health issues such as depression or anxiety.
I’ve also met people who respond differently to stress. They don’t seem to crumble under pressure and handle challenges differently. They have learned to see stressful situations as opportunities to become stronger and better. And they have incorporated self-care into their work and personal lives.
So, just start. Right. Now!
Try these 5 simple activities to disconnect from your workday and bring more balance into your life:
1. STOP
First, you have to recognise that your life is spiraling out of control. So, stop and check for signs of distress. Are you often fatigued and short-tempered? Do you have frequent headaches, colds or infections? Have you become very cynical? Do people try and avoid you? It’s important to pinpoint what is going on.
You need to be in tune with yourself and acknowledge that your body might be trying to tell you something. Stress is a silent killer so listen to your body. Ultimately, it’s up to you to take control, no one is going to do that for you. If you follow same routine, day after day “nothing changes, if nothing changes.”
2. SET BOUNDARIES
Are you a people pleaser? Do you find yourself saying “yes” every time your boss asks you to do something? And then feel resentful and frustrated because you didn’t speak up. Sometimes we all need to put in extra time and effort to meet a deadline or help the team out at work. But if you find yourself continually working long hours or taking work home, do you think it’s time to say “NO?”
A really great way to increase your sense of control and reduce stress is by setting boundaries. Be polite but firm and communicate your boundaries clearly. Saying no to your boss, especially when you have never said so earlier, can be uncomfortable. Start by saying “no” to something small and gradually build up confidence to say “no” to bigger things.
You can also look for “win-win” situations, or ways to compromise. For example, if your boss asks you to work on an additional project, you can say, “I’m happy to assist, but that means I can’t complete my current project with a close deadline. Is that okay?”
It takes courage to say “no” in the workplace. But setting self-respecting boundaries is important to avoid unnecessary stress and excessive workload. It will also gain you respect and establish your reputation as a high-value employee who is good at organising and prioritising tasks.
3. DO A BRAIN DUMP
I know the feeling. You’ve got millions of things you HAVE to get done. You’re trying to find a solution to that urgent problem. But you’re just getting more and more frustrated. Your brain is so full of thoughts that you can’t focus on ANY of them. And it’s so overwhelming to the point where you don’t do anything at all. It’s time to try something different. It’s time for a 10-minute brain dump.
“What is a brain dump?" you might be wondering. It’s a very simple technique to stay focused and organise your thoughts - and lighten your mental load too!
Take a pen and paper and start writing things down. What’s bothering you? Too many deadlines? Are you overwhelmed with hundreds of new ideas? Perhaps, someone is annoying you? Just get all your thoughts OUT of your head. You can use bullet points or just scribbles, it doesn’t matter what your brain dump looks like. When you “dump” your thoughts, you are simply letting them out of your system and de-cluttering your mind. When you see your jumbled thoughts on paper, it makes is easier to organise and prioritise them. And start taking action.
This simple, quick strategy can help you tackle problems, see them from a different perspective and take care of yourself at the same time.
4. PREPARE A “TO-DO” LIST
At the end of every workday, prepare a to-do list for the next day. You don’t have to spend more than a few minutes prioritising tasks on the list. Choose three to five most important tasks, otherwise you will be just adding more stress into your life.
Yes, you may have to update your list and re-assess your priorities the next day. But starting the day with a clear, prioritised to-do list is a great way to keep you organised, use your time wisely and direct your focus. As you complete tasks, tick them off your list. This will help you feel motivated and keep going until everything is done.
There is no one “right” way to create your to-do list, just experiment and make sure it works for you. Although there are many digital apps that can be used to make a to-do list, I’m still a fan of old-fashioned pen and paper method.
This is one of my favourite stress management techniques. I’ve used this “end-of-day” routine for many years, particularly when working in high-stress environments, such as prisons.
5. USE MENTAL IMAGERY TO CHANGE YOUR MOOD
Images are incredibly powerful and can quickly change a negative mood into a positive one. Just because you had a rough day doesn’t automatically mean you have to stay in a bad mood all night.
Imagine that aggressive client earlier who was shouting abuse at you. Can you see her angry face? Do you hear her hostile voice? What do you feel now? Uncomfortable, perhaps? Butterflies or a little knot in your stomach? When we start to have negative thoughts, it’s hard to stop them.
But the good news is, you can stop your negative thoughts from spiraling out of control. As soon as you notice that you are moving towards negative outlook, STOP! Take a few moments, close your eyes and think of something that’s guaranteed to put a smile on your face.
For example, playing with your adorable, fluffy ginger kitten with tiny paws. Watching him chase his tail around and around. Make it as vivid as possible, as if it’s actually happening. How do you feel now? Lighter! Happier! The memories of the aggressive client have been replaced by a positive picture of fun and laughter. This technique is simple, but it works. You might not get it quite right the first time but keep practising. Slowly, you learn to control your moods better so your moods don't control you.
Final thoughts......
Stress can also be a positive force in our lives. In my own life, stress has motivated me to perform better, stretched me to learn new skills and find strength I didn’t know I had. We all experience stress, the only difference is how we respond to it. When we choose to see the positive side of stress, we become more resourceful, resilient, and happier too.
If we don’t, stress becomes chronic - a ticking time bomb!
Don’t you owe it to yourself, and your loved ones to bring more balance into your life?
It’s possible to feel balanced and in control – even in a stressful work environment!
Eila Mikkonen
Counsellor, Coach & Mental Fitness Facilitator