The imposter syndrome can be described as feeling like a “fake” – it's a belief that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be. Imposter syndrome is very real – and more common than you realise.
Basically, it’s like wearing a mask.
We all wear masks for various reasons. We wear them to fit a role – mother, father, sister, brother, step-mother or father, worker, leader, coach, athlete, writer… and the list could go on! From time to time, we need to protect ourselves and wearing a mask is a way of setting boundaries. For example, we might be around people who don’t have good intentions.
But wearing a mask ALL the time is exhausting!
Unfortunately, people with imposter tendencies live with a persistent fear of being “found out”. They fear that their “weaknesses” will be revealed if they expose their true selves. They fear losing their mask of perfection.
Some of the common thoughts and feelings associated with imposter syndrome include:
You feel insecure and doubt yourself –
When you achieve something you find yourself thinking “I don’t deserve this” or “I’m not good enough”.
You exhibit perfectionist tendencies –
You have high standards and you tend to be more accepting of others’ mistakes than your own.
You often feel like a fraud –
"Surely, someone is going to find out that I'm not good enough". You are too scared to show your true self.
You attribute your success to external factors or chance –
You often undermine your achievements. "I just got lucky."
You constantly compare yourself to others –
You question your own skills and abilities. You tend to compare your “weaknesses” with other people’s strengths.
You have a need to know everything –
Your fear that NOT knowing means you are not good enough. But you can’t possibly know everything. No one can. There is no end to knowledge.
As a mental health professional, I have seen how imposter syndrome affects people of all ages and genders – men, women, even children – in varying ways. We all have the occasional imposter feelings, but if these feelings become more severe, this can lead to high stress levels and mental health issues like anxiety and depression.
If you think you might have imposter tendencies, the first step to overcoming imposter feelings is – AWARENESS. You need to acknowledge what you are thinking, feeling and experiencing, and why. Then, try and put your thoughts and feelings into perspective. Things are never as bad or as difficult as you think they are. This is easier said than done and requires mental discipline.
It can be helpful to talk to other people about how you are feeling. Talk to a professional counsellor, mentor or trusted friend. Know you're not alone. You need to get out of your head and into your feelings. If you keep your feelings hidden, it’s very difficult to break through from self-sabotaging behaviours.
Not sure where to start?
Ask for help. There’s no shame in asking for help when you need it.
And be kind to yourself too!
Eila Mikkonen
Counsellor, Coach & Mental Fitness Facilitator