On one level, you want to move forward, but at the same time, you are unable to see any realistic ways to turn things around. You feel stressed, overwhelmed, even hopeless. You experience a roller coaster of emotions throughout the day.
You feel STUCK... in one way or another – physically, emotionally, financially, energetically. You are unable to break the cycle and start moving forward.
You feel like you are stuck in mud!
What keeps us stuck? Many of us have experienced difficult childhoods, complicated family relationships, and traumatic experiences.
We live in the past and continuously think about disappointments that happened years ago. We re-live old memories years – often decades – after painful events. Sometimes, we unconsciously choose situations that repeat our past negative experiences. It’s “safer” to stay in familiar situations rather than try something different. Familiarity is comfortable, even though it is not healthy for us, such as staying in an unhappy relationship. As humans, we are creatures of habits.
We try and manoeuvre things in our external world, hoping that this will bring us happiness. We seek external validation from others. Often, we expect others to change...”If only they would change, my life would be better”. Maybe it’s a partner, a family member, a friend. But we can’t change other people.
We try and escape unpleasant thoughts and emotions by turning to unhealthy coping strategies and negative behaviours. Addictions to alcohol, drugs, food or work. We feel safe, secure and in control – temporarily. Often, these escape strategies cause huge personal issues in our lives.
And they KEEP us stuck!
Isn’t it time to get unstuck and move forward? Isn’t it time to start taking your power back? Feeling stuck is a message from your subconscious that something needs to change.
Here are some ideas to get you unstuck:
- Take a step back. First, you need to recognise that you are stuck. Ask yourself, “Why do I feel stuck in life?” Examine what’s working – and what’s not. How are you stuck? What is holding you back? Are you repeating unhealthy patterns from the past? Are you holding onto negative emotions? It can be difficult to identify the reasons for being stuck, but by slowing down, you start to know yourself on a deeper level. You start to connect with your emotions. This will help you to find those parts of you that are stuck.
- Expand your comfort zone. Being in your comfort zone is safe. You feel in control, and everything is predictable. But it can also mean being trapped in a repetitive, unfulfilling life. The goal is to gradually broaden your personal comfort zone. You gain many benefits such as increased confidence and resilience. You grow and learn more about yourself. So, start thinking about getting out of your comfort zone.
- Build a support system. When you feel stuck, it’s not easy to think clearly. Surround yourself with people who will support you. Consider getting professional help. Working with a therapist can be help you to address difficult issues in a safe and supportive environment. Often, we try to figure things out alone. But we all need to reach out for support sometimes. A trained professional can help you to gain new perspectives and identify ways to become unstuck.
- Practise self-compassion. Engage in supportive self-talk. Instead of telling yourself things like “I’ll never find a way out of this” or “I’m not good enough”, replace self-criticism with kindness. Nurture your body, mind and spirit. Cultivate self-love and unconditionally accept yourself. Most of us struggle with this. We tend to have love-hate relationships with ourselves. We tend to be harder on ourselves than on others. Create a daily self-love ritual, even if it’s just a couple of minutes. Self-love is not selfish, arrogant or narcissistic. If you don’t have self-love and acceptance, it’s hard to love and accept others. You MUST learn to love yourself first before you can build better, healthier and more meaningful relationships with others.
- Progress is important, not perfection. Learning to adapt to the ups and downs, ebbs and flows of life takes time, effort and practice. But even with the tiniest but consistent steps you are making progress. It is good to remember that there’s no one way to become unstuck. Everyone is different and what works for someone else, might not work for you.
Over the years, I have met many inspiring individuals who have transformed their lives following suffering or tremendous adversities. I have witnessed how something good can come out of even the most traumatic experiences.
If you are feeling unmotivated, without direction and stuck, start implementing some of the strategies above.
By the way, you have already taken a small step just by reading this blog!!!
Eila Mikkonen
Counsellor, Coach & Mental Fitness Facilitator