But are you?
Do you consider yourself a realist when in fact, you are a pessimist?
We all have negative thoughts at times. But when negative thoughts start to become the norm, this is not healthy.
Constantly trying to think positive isn’t necessarily a healthy option either. Going through a stressful time and continually saying “My life is going great” is not smart – it’s invalidating. Nobody is happy all the time. Ignoring or silencing our negative thoughts and emotions doesn’t make them go away.
Ideally, what you really want to cultivate is realistic thinking. Realistic thinking is about looking at a situation from ALL perspectives – positive, negative and neutral – before making conclusions.
Realistic thinking is a more balanced way of seeing ourselves, our situation and the world around us. Realistic thinking pattern considers multiple possible outcomes. Developing a realistic outlook can be good for your wellbeing.
Realistic individuals have a very practical perspective of life. They have emotional resilience. They are grounded, objective and clear headed. Instead of looking for the “negative”, they try to find “meaning” in their experiences. When they face an adversity, they ask themselves, “What can I learn from this?”
Have YOU listened to your thoughts lately?
Do you have a tendency to see the world through a negative lens? Are you often negative about things and expect the worst? Do you think that there is more bad than there is good in everything?
Do you have a “black and white” or “all-or-nothing” thinking pattern? With black and white thinking, our thoughts gravitate towards extremes – best or worst, everything or nothing, love or hate, always or never, perfect or failure, and so on.
Do you tell yourself “I’m just being realistic”, when in fact, you are only considering the negative outcomes? If you focus exclusively on negative consequences, you’re not being realistic, you’re being pessimistic.
How can you make your thinking a bit more realistic? How can you balance pessimistic and realistic thoughts?
Three things to try:
OBSERVE YOUR THINKING PATTERN –
Often, you don't even realise you are having repetitive, unhelpful thoughts. “I can't do this?”, “I’m not smart enough” or “I'm probably going to fail.”
So, observe your internal dialogue. If your thought pattern is too negative, try to adjust it through positive self-talk, “I can try to make it work” or “I'll give it another try.”
QUESTION YOUR NEGATIVE THOUGHTS –
Is this thought in any way helpful? Is it really true? Thoughts are not necessarily facts. In my work with clients, I see this all the time. People often believe that their negative thoughts are always true. This unhelpful negativity bias can take a toll on our emotional wellbeing.
DEVELOP A DAILY GRATITUDE HABIT –
So often in life, we take things for granted. Family. Health. Clean air. Food. Gratitude is one of the easiest ways to shift your mindset. Daily gratitude practice is a simple, yet powerful way to help you take a different look at yourself and your situation. How to do it? Just acknowledge, say aloud or write down at least one thing you are grateful for. Give it a try and see if it works for you.
Realistic thinking doesn’t come easy, especially if you have been stuck in negative thinking pattern for a long time. True change takes time. But with practise, you can change your world from the inside out!
“The man who says he can, and the man who says he can't, are both correct” Confucius
Eila Mikkonen
Counsellor, Coach & Mental Fitness Facilitator