Do you strive to get “perfect” outcomes in your work, study, home, sport or relationships?
Perfect looks, perfect body, perfect marriage, perfect home, perfect children, perfect job… and the list goes on. Perfectionism can manifest in many different ways and in many different areas. And we live in a world that encourages perfectionism.
But being a perfectionist is hard work! And may not be a good thing.
Why?
There’s nothing wrong with setting high but achievable standards and goals for yourself. There is nothing wrong with striving for a good or even excellent outcome. However, constantly striving for perfection can have a negative effect on your physical and mental wellbeing.
Over the years, I have seen many people try SO hard to be perfect. When everything in their lives is perfect, they feel safe, content and in charge. But, of course, perfectionism isn't sustainable.
And nobody is perfect. Nobody's life is perfect. Perfectionism is an illusion!!!
We all have flaws and things don’t always go as planned. Extreme, unhealthy perfectionism is often associated with low self-esteem, stress, anxiety and depression.
How do you know if perfectionism is an issue for you?
Here are some things to consider:
- Do you have high personal standards? Do you often feel nothing you do is ever good enough? Are you super self-conscious about your appearance? Acknowledging that perfectionism may be a problem is a very important first step. Practise self-reflection to develop self-awareness. Until you have some awareness of your thoughts, emotions and behaviour, you will have difficulty making positive changes in your life.
- Where did your perfectionist tendencies come from? Is it a personality trait? There is no simple answer to this question, as everyone is different. Are perfectionists born or made? I think it’s probably both.
- Do you have a strong need to be in control? Do you spend a lot of time organising, planning and controlling other people, situations and environments to create a sense of security? Do you have a need to have everything right, in the right place, or done in the right manner?
- Do you expect others to adhere to your high standards? And then get frustrated or critical if they don’t meet your expectations? Perhaps you don’t let others to do tasks at all because you’re afraid they won’t be done properly. You believe that your way is the best way.
- Do you have an “all-or-nothing” mindset? Almost perfect is not good enough. It’s either a success or a failure. This “black-and-white” thinking is inflexible and unhelpful. Try making a mistake on purpose and see what happens. Ask yourself, “What is the worst thing that could happen?” Try and keep the bigger picture in mind.
- Do you avoid taking risks or trying new things? Perhaps you spend a lot of time and energy thinking and worrying that if you don’t do things correctly, you will fail. This constant worry about not doing things correctly means that you take no action at all.
- Are you highly critical of yourself? Start paying attention to your self-talk. You might not be aware that you're doing it. Your thoughts affect how you feel and how you behave. But your thoughts aren't always true. Challenge your inner critic. Ask yourself – is it true? Replace self-critical thoughts with more realistic and helpful statements.
- Prioritize self-care. If you are always striving for “perfection” in everything you do, be a little kinder to yourself. Start appreciating yourself.
If your perfectionistic tendencies are negatively impacting your life, it may be time to start changing your mindset.
Think about how you might use the information you have just learned. Any useful bits of information that you want to remember? Write them down so you can refer to them later.
There are many other tools and self-help strategies you can adopt to start changing your perfectionist mindset. Or seek support from an appropriately trained mental health professional.
It’s important to find a balance between good and perfect.
Sometimes good enough really is… good enough!!!