Have you ever wondered how some people seem to stay cool, calm and collected in almost any situation?
How do they keep it all together no matter what life throws at them? What’s their secret? Perhaps they are tapping into Stoic wisdom. What exactly is Stoic wisdom?
Well, keep reading…
Stoicism is an ancient philosophy that dates back to ancient Greece and Rome. Great writers and thinkers – including Aurelius, Epictetus and Seneca – practised and promoted an approach that emphasised moral conduct, justice, moderation, wisdom and courage in one’s dealings with others. A very practical approach that was meant for everyday living.
Stoicism provides a framework for living a more harmonious, balanced and productive life. It is not purely academic or theoretical but a very logical approach that can be utilised at any moment and in any situation, particularly during times of hardship. We live in a complex, uncertain and unpredictable world where things happen suddenly. The loss of a loved one, an incurable illness, a traumatic experience… these are all unfortunate events that can happen in our lives. One of the goals of Stoicism is to achieve and maintain inner tranquillity. It teaches the development of self-discipline, personal responsibility and objectivity.
But the Stoics are often misunderstood and equated with being cold, unemotional or indifferent to pain. No, Stoicism is not about being a negative or unfeeling person. It is not about going through life with a stiff upper lip. On the contrary, we need to acknowledge our emotions, including the unhealthy and destructive ones – such as fear, rage, hatred and envy – and learn to reframe or replace them with better ones. Easier said than done, of course.
I am a firm believer in Stoic philosophy. As a counsellor – and as a human being – I often ask myself, “Have I done my best in this situation?” or “How can I do better?” I am also curious about human behaviour. Why do people act the way they do? Why do people continue with self-destructive behaviours - drug use, gambling, sabotaging relationships, perfectionism and so forth - over and over again? It must be exhausting!
While Stoic philosophy may not be for everyone, I know it has helped me enormously during times of intense stress. I have dealt with aggression, violence and intimidation in high-pressure work settings. I have encountered people with poor impulse control and learned a thing or two about remaining calm in challenging situations. Over time, I have become mentally strong, able to cope with tough times and challenging situations without feeling defeated or overwhelmed. And I know Stoicism can help you too. No matter who you are or where you are from.
So, do you want to learn how to stay cool, calm and collected, particularly in stressful situations? Do you want to develop your mental toughness? If you often feel like you can't control your emotions, then this ancient approach might be your thing. Although it is an old philosophy, Stoicism is still relevant in the modern world. And the great part is that you can start today.
“Okay, how do I start?” I hear you ask.
Here’s how you can start incorporating some Stoic ideas into your daily life:
- Control: Don’t waste energy on things you can't control. This is critical, you must be able to differentiate between things you can control and the things you can't. You can't stop bad things from happening to you. You can't control the world around you or what other people say or do. Worrying about things you have no control over is pointless. And, of course, this leads you to feel helpless, powerless, bitter and resentful. What is within your control in any given situation then? Primarily, your thoughts and your actions. So, start focusing on what you CAN control. You will become a lot calmer and less reactive, especially when faced with difficult challenges.
- Choose your perspective: In good and bad times, you have a choice. When things go wrong and you want to give up, take a step back. It is easy to get caught in YOUR interpretations of events. Events are neither good nor bad. It is your opinion about a situation that can make it much worse. So, step back and look at the bigger picture. When you do, it is much easier to remain calm rather than getting stressed about something – often trivial – in your life. As Seneca said, “A man is as miserable as he thinks he is.”
- Develop self-awareness: Know yourself. At the end of each day, take the time and review your day - reflect on the daily events that have happened. “What did I do well?” or “How did I feel about a particular person or situation?” Journaling is a great way to develop self-awareness and deal with stress, emotions and life's challenges. You don’t have to write an essay, it could be as simple as listing a couple of things you noticed about yourself. Then, set aside some time to reflect on your journal entries, this is important. Soon, you will be able to identify themes, repeating patterns or areas you might want to work on. It is also interesting to read your journal six or twelve months later and see how well you are progressing. What have you learned from your own experiences? What are you doing well? Areas for improvement? Developing self-awareness is a lifelong process, and the key to success is to practise consistently. The sooner you start, the better.
Final words…
Of course, Stoicism doesn’t claim to have all the answers, but it can have a powerful and positive effect on your wellbeing. It can help you to live a better, more meaningful life. Even if you adopt some of the Stoic ideas, you will become more balanced, calm and grounded… the best version of yourself!!! Who wouldn’t want that?
I encourage you to start small and keep things simple. Perhaps, develop your “own version” of Stoicism. I truly believe we can all become a little wiser, happier and more resilient by practising this wonderful, age-old philosophy.
The main goal of this article is to introduce you to Stoic philosophy. If you find Stoicism to be as valuable as I do, there is no shortage of information on the subject from blogs and books to articles and videos.
Until next time…
“Learn to be indifferent to what makes no difference.” Marcus Aurelius
Eila Mikkonen
Counsellor, Coach & Mental Fitness Facilitator