Would you be surprised if I told you that your own mood - both good and bad – is often influenced by the mood of others? For example, when you are around positive people, you tend to feel more positive. On the other hand, if you are around someone who is in a bad mood, you may unknowingly begin to feel unhappy as well.
The idea that we can “catch” others’ moods is not new. As Carl Jung, the famed Swiss psychoanalyst, observed decades ago, “Emotions are contagious.” Whether you consciously realise it or not, emotions are transferred between people. We all have the ability to influence the mood of those around us. And our emotional states are constantly being influenced by others.
Want to feel positive? Hang around people who are upbeat and optimistic. They have uplifting energy and just being around them is inspiring and motivating.
Unfortunately, it is not always possible to be around people whose company you enjoy – especially in the workplace. Have you ever felt bad or negative without understanding why? Often, when you are picking up on someone else’s bad mood, you don’t even realise it.
And you are not alone – most people are not aware of “emotional contagion”.
As a counsellor, I listen to people’s problems all day. I have worked in “emotionally charged” places, such as prisons, where feelings of anxiety, sadness, fear, hopelessness, anger, regret and resentment are common. Working in high-stress places demands a high degree of emotional investment. Over the years, I have developed skills to support people without absorbing their distress. It is important for me to separate my own emotions from those of my clients.
So, how can YOU protect yourself from others’ negative moods and feelings?
Here are some useful insights:
- Pay attention to your emotions and interactions with others. Notice how you feel when you are with different people and in different situations. Are you suddenly feeling angry? Anxious or sad? Is the emotion yours? Look around, are you near someone who is negative? Do you start feeling a bit negative yourself? Then, do you feel better when you walk away from that person? Simply recognising that an emotion might belong to someone else is a great way to raise awareness of your own moods. And when you are more aware of your own feelings and emotions, it is easier to tell when you are picking up on someone else’s negative energy. So, start working on your own self-awareness.
- Observe your behaviour in stressful or frustrating situations. Are you reacting or responding? For example, when someone is angry, are you matching his or her mood by getting angry yourself? Or can you take a moment and think about the best ways to respond? Can you p-a-u-s-e... and allow your initial emotional reaction to pass? While this is not easy, with practise, you will be able to tackle negative situations and control how you respond to others’ negative emotions. So, next time you are in a frustrating situation, ask yourself, “Am I reacting or responding?”
- Some people are “chronically” negative. If you work with overly pessimistic and mean-spirited people, don’t let them drag you down. You need regular time-out from negativity. Keep your interactions short around a co-worker who never has anything positive to say. Take “mini-breaks” throughout the day to replenish yourself – even if it’s to visit the bathroom so you can regroup. If possible, go outside for a few minutes. Or put on your headphones and listen to uplifting music. Those who have a negative view of the world are not likely to change. But the good news is, you don’t have to let someone else’s bad mood affect you! You can control how you respond to others’ negative emotions.
So, watch out – it’s so easy to catch a “bad” mood without even knowing it.
Try and catch a “good” one instead!!
Eila Mikkonen
Counsellor, Coach & Mental Fitness Facilitator